Nice blog post by Amy Young on “How to treat a burn when it’s relational”

I left this comment. I read her blog after working on my Heidelberg Catechism on the Fifth Commandment.

I’m teaching the Heidelberg Catechism this week for my Adult Sunday School class and this week’s lesson is on the Fifth Commandment: “Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”

It’s commonly a thorny commandment for many because of relational burns received by parents. How can one parent and not burn your children or at least have your children feel burned at some point?

The catechism expands the commandment to include “all in authority over us” and proceeds to assume their failings in their actions “to correct and punish” us. This greatly expands the list of perps with flaming sticks and hot brands.

For those unfamiliar with the catechism the section of “the law” falls not under “Misery”, the opening section, but under “Gratitude”, the final section. The Christian life does not flow out of duty or fear but rather joy and freedom.

I think the commandments and catechism might suggest we amend the list to include an article about honoring and/or continuing to treat those who have burned us with respect. This is so counter-cultural, counter-intuitive, so unnatural. This I think we are admonished to consider (motivated by joy and freedom again, not duty or fear) for our own health.

If hurt people hurt people, then burned people burn people. We live in a long list of burned people turning to burn others, knowingly or instinctively.

The largest thief of joy is bitterness and bitterness so easily infects our burns. If the antidote to monetary greed is financial generosity, then the antidote to bitterness is relational generosity. Refusing to demean our enemy’s character in public is the outward expression of a refusal to nurse a grievance in private. This is long and difficult self-work.

When relational burns take up residence in our selves they do so as scars and the irritation of a scarred self passes bitter fruit to others so I’ll recommend this addition to your fine list.