Whether it’s in a marriage, in a church, or any other kind of relationship complaint and response is a regular part of the picture. Don Elium, a marriage counselor in Walnut Creek outlines what in his opinion is healthy and helpful complaint vs. unhelpful.

He also quotes a sobering statistic from Gottman that only 1/3rd of what is complained about in a marriage will be resolved to the plaintif’s satisfaction.

 Do healthy complaints solve all problems? No. John Gottman’s scientific marriage research found that all couples could fully resolve only one out of three problems; this was in both happy and unhappy marriages. Two out of three required compromise. Healthy complaints allow for real feelings to be expressed and the actual event to be brought into focus. It makes healthy compromises more possible. From there you have a much better chance to work something out that may not be perfect, but something more positive that you both can learn to live with!