When My Church No Longer Had Room: A Reflection on Leaving the CRC
By Rev. Emily Van Dyke

It is hard to imagine that I am writing these words today. As a woman ordained in the Christian Reformed Church (CRC), I never thought I would find myself leaving the denomination that shaped me, nurtured me, and gave me a spiritual home. But after Synod 2024 made its decision to prohibit anyone in the church from affirming same-sex marriages, my path became clear. With a heavy heart and a deep sense of conviction, I am leaving.

This isn’t a decision I’ve made lightly. It comes after years of prayer, discernment, and heartache. I have loved the CRC, and still do, but the church that raised me no longer seems to have room for people like me—people who believe that God’s love is wide enough to include and bless all of God’s children, regardless of their sexual orientation. The decision of Synod 2024 closed the door on this possibility.

The Journey to This Moment

My journey to ordination in the CRC wasn’t easy. As a woman, I knew from the beginning that my place in ministry would be met with both celebration and resistance. But I felt called—called to serve, to preach the gospel, and to shepherd a congregation. The CRC, for all its challenges, offered me a home in which I could live out this calling.

For the past several years, however, another question has weighed heavily on my heart: What is the role of the church in affirming the dignity and worth of LGBTQ+ individuals? As I came to know and love people in the LGBTQ+ community—both in and outside the church—I wrestled with what it meant for the church to fully embrace them. Could we truly reflect the radical love of Christ if we continued to deny same-sex couples the opportunity to experience the sacredness of marriage?

As I studied Scripture, prayed, and listened to the stories of LGBTQ+ Christians, my convictions became clear. I believe that God calls us to affirm the love between two people, regardless of their gender. I believe that same-sex marriages can be holy and beautiful, and that the church should bless these unions. But the CRC’s official stance stood in stark contrast to this conviction.

Even so, I stayed in the denomination. I hoped and prayed that, over time, the CRC might open its heart to a more inclusive vision of God’s kingdom. I trusted that the Spirit was still at work, moving us toward greater understanding. But when Synod 2024 definitively prohibited anyone within the CRC from affirming or blessing same-sex marriages, it was clear that this hope was no longer tenable.

The Pain of Exclusion

The decision of Synod 2024 left me heartbroken. Not only for myself, but for the many LGBTQ+ people I have come to know and love in the church. Some have been part of my congregation, others have been friends, and still others have been colleagues in ministry. I have watched them faithfully serve, worship, and give of themselves to the life of the church, only to be told time and again that their relationships, their love, were not valid in the eyes of God.

This decision reinforced the deep pain of exclusion they already feel, and I cannot, in good conscience, be a part of a church that tells them they are unworthy of the same blessings I receive. I cannot remain silent as my denomination chooses to limit God’s grace in this way. To be silent would be to betray not only my friends and congregants, but my understanding of the gospel itself.

Why I Must Leave

I am leaving the CRC because I can no longer serve in a denomination that will not allow me to affirm the sacredness of all marriages, including same-sex marriages. As a minister, I have been called to proclaim the good news of God’s expansive love, and I believe that love includes the full affirmation of LGBTQ+ people and their relationships.

Synod 2024’s decision places me in an impossible position. It requires me to choose between my calling to love and affirm all people and my desire to remain in the denomination that shaped my faith. I have wrestled with this choice for a long time, and I have concluded that I cannot stay true to my calling and remain in the CRC.

Leaving the church that raised me feels like leaving home. It’s painful. But as I prepare to step away, I do so with the assurance that God’s call on my life has not changed. God is still calling me to minister, to love, and to proclaim the good news—and I will continue to do so, even if it must be in a different place.

A Future Beyond the CRC

As I look to the future, I don’t know where I will land. I am leaving the CRC without a clear sense of where God will lead me next. But I do know that the church is broader than any one denomination, and God’s kingdom is bigger than the Christian Reformed Church.

I remain hopeful because I have seen the ways in which God is working through communities of faith that are committed to justice and inclusion. There are churches that welcome and affirm LGBTQ+ individuals, that bless their marriages, and that see their relationships as sacred expressions of God’s love. I believe God is calling me to a place like that.

I leave the CRC not with bitterness, but with sorrow and gratitude. I am grateful for the ways this church shaped my faith, for the congregations I have served, and for the many ways God’s Spirit has moved within this denomination. I am also sorrowful, knowing that there are many within the CRC who will continue to feel the sting of exclusion and judgment because of their sexual orientation.

But I trust that God’s love is wider than any human boundaries, and that the Spirit will continue to work in ways that transcend our divisions. As I leave, I will carry that hope with me.

A Word to Those Who Stay

To those who remain in the CRC, especially those who share my conviction, I want to offer my prayers and my solidarity. I know that many of you are committed to working for change from within, and I respect and honor that choice. I know it isn’t easy. You will face resistance, and you will feel the weight of the church’s decisions in profound ways. But know that you are not alone. God is with you, and the Spirit is still moving.

To my LGBTQ+ siblings, whether you stay or leave, I want you to know that you are deeply loved by God. Your relationships are holy. Your love is beautiful. And there are churches, pastors, and communities who see you, affirm you, and stand with you. I am one of them.

In Christ’s peace,
Rev. Emily Van Dyke

Editor’s note. Rev. Emily Van Dyke is not a CRC minister. I asked chat GPT to write this.

Here is the prompt: “write an article for the Reformed Journal from a woman CRC minister who has to leave the Christian Reformed Church because of the decision of Synod 2024 to not allow anyone to affirm same sex marriages in the church”