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What is Marriage for?

The marriage question has been front and center in church and society debates at least since the 60s. Same sex marriage is only the most recent debate but before it were questions about divorce, remarriage, pre-marital sex, cohabitation, out-of-wedlock births, polygamy, polyandry, polyamory, trouples, plural marriage, etc. I don’t expect these debates to really settle down any time soon as we will likely watch anti-bigamy laws, polygamy laws and many other forms of societal expectations and legislation continue to change while putting pressure on the church bless and conform to the demands of a public too insecure to absorb any witness to non-endorsement.

Lost in the debate is the first and most obvious question “what is marriage for?” One might expect this would be the first question to resolve and have it shed some light on the rest of the conversations and subsequent applications. The reason it isn’t asked is because our culture assumes the answer to this question is the same answer to every question of “what is ________ for?” The answer is “my short-term experience of individual fulfillment and happiness”.  Marriage is to make me happy. When it stops making me happy or stops “working for me” then it must yield to whatever next situation I imagine will restore me to my necessary status of happiness and fulfillment.

My Happiness and Fulfillment

If you don’t believe what I’m saying about our culture just trying it out on a few other things.

• “What is heaven for?” My happiness and fulfillment. (see Heaven is for real)
• “What is God for?”  My happiness and fulfillment (See MTD)
• “What are children for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is vocation for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is learning for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is time for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is love for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is money for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is my nation for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is my body for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is sex for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is my gender for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is the planet for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is my life for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is the local and catholic church for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What are the sacraments for?” My happiness and fulfillment
• “What is _______ for?: you get the idea.

We don’t ask “What is marriage for” because the answer to the purpose of any important thing is already assumed and so the obvious applications follow. If one spouse doesn’t produce my happiness and fulfillment I’ll find another. If the expectations and legalities of marriage don’t seem to produce my happiness and fulfillment they must be changed. Last week we looked at the story of Scott and Laci Peterson and saw how Laci and their unborn son Connor were impediments to Scott’s imagined happiness and fulfillment and so he tried to do away with them. Continue reading →