Shaky Valentine’s Days
Given the commercial success of the Christmas holiday season the American marketing machine is steadily trying to duplicate Christmas in other Christian holidays on the calendar like Halloween and St. Valentine’s Day. As consumer advertising ramps up expectations for many who for what ever reason aren’t in a position to celebrate romance with a “special someone” will find the day a strain and possibly a painful reminder of loss.
For couples in conflict Marriage and Family Therapist Don Elium write a piece on “How Do I Face a Shaky Valentine’s Day” offering advice to a question about romantic expectations in the midst of conflict. The core of his advice is that the person reading the piece should act in love towards their partner. The focus isn’t on the feeling, the focus is on generosity of mind and behavior towards the other.
Those of you who know conflict will know just how hard this is. When we are in conflict we devolve into reflexive behaviors of:
- entitlement thinking
- victim mentality
- manipulative or coercive strategies
- using power to get what we want from the other at the other’s expense
- self-preservation strategies that prompt us to punish (fight) or withdraw (flight)
God’s Bad Marriage with Humanity Continue reading
