The obedience of faith only works when it’s rooted in a person, not a rule. Imposed on its own, a rule invites us to sit in judgment, weighing its reasonableness. But a rule flowing from relationship smoothes the way for faithful obedience. When a child doesn’t understand her mother’s command, the mother’s character plays a strong role in what happens next. A cruel, capricious mother is likely to meet resistance. But an affectionate, nurturing mother inspires trust, because you know she’s on your side, profoundly.
The truth is, even 10 years into my marriage, when I experience attraction to someone other than my spouse, that person is female. Still, my marriage has been a place of joy and healing. When people ask me my orientation, my most honest answer is “married”—with the same blessings and burdens of other married believers, and with the same source of hope and power, the Holy Spirit.
I would never insist that marriage is the normal or “correct” road for every (or even most) same-sex-attracted Christians. Heterosexuality is not the end goal; faithfulness to God, and the joy that comes from relationship with him, is what we run for. For many believers, faithfulness to God will entail a commitment to lifelong celibacy. But unless we cast a vision for full-bodied, joyful family life amid the church, celibacy will look like a dead end. We can’t say no to something good unless we’re saying yes to something even better.
And a bunch of followup disclaimers on her blog https://rachelgilson.com/